Little Copycat

Posted in After, Baby, Children, Communication, Creativity, Discipline, Health, Mindset, Parenting Skills, Pregnancy, Relationships, School Age, Self Care, Toddler on 16. Jul, 2010

The other night I decided after a very busy day I wanted to relax in the bath, on my own, with bubbles and water up to my chin…ahhh…me time, well, so I thought! In rolls my 4 year old rolling up her sleeves saying “Ok now mummy, it’s ok, it’s ok”. Now I was worried, she proceed to grab the water jug I use to wet her hair and fills it with water and tips it over my head. Then said the same thing “It’s ok mummy, just relax, it’s ok I will get the towel for your eyes”. She then dries my eyes. She then grabs the shampoo and says “Ok mummy, I’m going to wash your hair now”. I replied “But I did it this morning” she said “It’s going to be Ok now come here.” She then proceeded to wash me from head to toe, I couldn’t stop laughing when she was washing behind my ears! So funny! My bath became our bath and we ended up playing with toys and playing the splashing game.

It was the cutest and funniest moment I have shared with her but one that left me to think a lot about my actions as a mother and what she is learning and ‘copying’ from me.

We talk a lot about how our children are impressionable, how they will behave in certain ways because they have learned it from us. As parents we must look at our behaviour in everything we do and say because our children are like sponges, they think because we do it they can too.

My 5 Top Tips for positive behaviour with family:

Look – Look at your behaviour and ask it is appropriate? What impact will it have on your family? What will your family learn from your behaviour?
Example: Crying, I’ve shed a tear or two and sometimes in front of my little girl. She will say “It’s ok mummy”. I say “Sweetie, it is ok to cry sometimes, we were given these emotions and functions for a reason, it is how you manage through it and give yourself time to express those emotions”. She may be only 4 but she understands.
Listen – Listen to what YOU are saying. If your little one is crying or upset, be compassionate and understanding, listen to what they have to say and respond calmly and clearly.
Example: Once I heard myself say, “What’s wrong with you now?” Oh how I wish those words didn’t leave my mouth, but I took mental note of those words and I am more careful of how I ask the same question rephrased, “How can I help sweetie?” “Or what’s the matter, how can I help?” Sometimes with everything going on, you really just go on autopilot and can become frustrated by the 20^th toddler tanty that day and words will just roll off the tongue not thinking how those words can be learned and potentially reused. But if you listen to yourself, would you want someone saying to you, “What’s wrong with you?” when you are upset, makes you not want to respond at all, it’s not supportive or compassionate. But we don’t always say the ‘right’ things; we are not ‘perfect’, whatever that is! But we can be more aware of what we are saying to our kids, because they will replicate it and copy you in the future.
Learn – Learn to communicate with each of your children individually as they are all different and will require a different approach for each one. Learn what they like and what they don’t like and why.
Laugh – Remember to laugh! Kids love to laugh, they make us laugh and we get more hugs, they learn to laugh and be happy in life. The best way to make you and your kids laugh, well that’s easy, tickles you are sure to get a good laugh from that!
Love – Love who you are for all that you bring to the world and your family. Your kids will learn to love who they are because you love who you are and you have displayed to them how you do that. If you can’t show them how you look after yourself with me time, exercise, sleep, good nutrition etc. how will they know what they have to do to keep happy and healthy in life? They will learn from you.

So the moral of this article is that your behaviour not only speaks volumes to your children, but to other family members and be aware of what you do and say to ensure the best learning experience for your family. I am doing this right now, I haven’t been here much, because I need to manage my balance and show my family how I manage a very challenging, emotional and busy time with work and family. I am getting there but most importantly, I know that everything I do is being watched by one little 4 year old who thinks losing a barbie doll shoe is the worst thing that could ever happen in her world. I am a teacher and she is my ‘little copycat’ who will hopefully grow up with behaviour that is positive, supportive, compassionate, expressive and confident.

I hope you have found my little insights helpful.

“Never doubt what you can achieve when you have a passion, apply yourself and respect others.
Listen. Learn. Laugh. Love.”
~ Heather James