One of the hardest parts of babyhood for me were the nighttime feedings. I like sleep and getting out of bed in the middle of the night isn’t fun! I have had three babies with three very different sleep experiences.

With my first baby, Audrey, I was against co-sleeping. When I say “co-sleeping” I’m talking about the type of co-sleeping called the “family bed.” This is when  the baby sleeps in the bed with you. I was uncomfortable having my baby sleep in the bed with me mainly because I had known parents whose 2-year-old was still joining them for bed every night and it had become a battle to get the child into his own bed. I didn’t want that to be me! So my baby was in her own bed from the start. I would nurse her at bed time and she’d fall asleep nursing. Then I would put her in her crib and she’d stay asleep. I was blessed with an extremely easygoing baby and she was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old! Before that, she was only waking once for feedings at night. It was easy to get up, nurse her and go back to bed. I now know how incredibly lucky I was.

With my second baby, Natalie, I was willing to entertain the idea of co-sleeping. I was a different person when I had Natalie. I don’t know if it was because I was a little older or she was my second child, but I approached the whole experience differently. I just had this sweet little baby inside my body and it only felt right to me to have her snuggled up against me at night. She would wake up quietly and I would already be awake, anticipating her hunger. It still amazes me that a mother and baby can be so connected.  She would start to nurse and we would both fall back to sleep. It definitely made the night waking and feedings a lot easier on me. At three months, I transitioned Natalie to her crib.  I would nurse or rock her to sleep and put her in a crib that was in my room. She would still wake up at least once at night to eat and would end up in bed with me after that. She didn’t sleep through the night until she was about 6 months old. We moved her crib into her sister’s room and from that point on she basically put herself to sleep and slept all night in her own bed.

Crying it out…are they talking about me or the baby?

When Adam was about 6 months old I started to make him cry himself to sleep. I know that some people think this is cruel and unnecessary…but I don’t think those people had a colicky baby, 6 months of only three hours of sleep a night, and two other kids to take care of. It’s not like it was easy…it’s not like I enjoyed hearing my baby crying.  However, I did enjoy the sleep that followed.

I know that there are actual plans and programs out in the world that give you directions and rules when it comes to making your baby “cry it out.” I made up my own program. I started by setting up a bed time schedule that I repeated every night. I gave Adam a warm bath, put him in his pajamas, gave him a snack, read a book and then sat down to nurse him. After we finished our bedtime ritual, I would put Adam in his bed and turn on a soother and a box fan for white noise.  I would stroke his head and coo at him and then quietly leave the room.  He cried…and cried. I cried and cried. Everything in my body was yelling at me to go get my baby! I resisted the incredible urge to run in an rescue my baby and after about 25 minutes he stopped crying and had actually put himself to sleep. I repeated this every night and by the third night he only cried 10 minutes before going to sleep. Unfortunately, he was awake a couple hours later and I was dealing with my squirmy fussy baby again. The next step was making him cry himself back to sleep when he woke up in the middle of the night. Oh great…this was going to be tough. I waited until he was about 9 months old before I actually had the guts to do this.  Meanwhile, he was putting himself to sleep and it was making his naps much better too. I began putting him down for scheduled naps and he would fuss for a few minutes and then fall asleep. The funny thing is…it seemed like he was really proud of himself for going to sleep on his own. Now it was time to tackle the night waking. He was doing great with putting himself to sleep initially but was waking up about 3 hours later. I stopped going into his room to get him when he woke up. I was so sick of living without sleep that it didn’t bother me very much to hear him crying. Plus, he only cried for a few minutes and then he’d fall back to sleep. It wasn’t a sad cry either. It sounded more like fussing or a fake cry…like he knew I was listening and he was trying to make me feel bad. After a week of making him cry himself back to sleep, he was sleeping through the night! That meant I was sleeping through the night! He is now 14 months old and sleeps 13 hours every night. During what seemed like months of one big sleepless night, I never thought we’d make it here. It is amazing! Sweet glorious sleep!

I have learned a lot when it comes to sleeping and babies. One of the most eye opening experiences for me was learning that even if you want your baby in the bed with you…your baby might sleep better in his own bed. Sleep is one of the biggest topics for new moms and I’ve learned that keeping an open mind is the key to sleep success. Do what feels right and what makes you and your baby the happiest.  You might be in a sitting position on the couch with the baby asleep on your chest, driving around town at 2am with the baby in the car seat, or pushing a baby around a dark house in a stroller. Sometimes you do whatever it takes to get sleep! Talk to your baby’s doctor about co-sleeping and “crying it out”. These are my experiences and opinions and should never take the place of professional advice or your own instincts! Good luck and get some sleep!

When it gets tough…turn up the music and dance! Elizabeth Amatangelo